Holding me back from planning my road trip now is the fact that I don't have a destination yet. The original idea was that I would take a 1-2 month trip to wherever the camp I work at this summer is. But I don't know where that is yet! I'm in the middle of applying to camps in Washington, Oregon, Northern California, and Colorado. I'm not sure if I want to keep applying or just stick with those four for right now. And until I get accepted somewhere, my planning is on hold.
But, is the destination really necessary right now? i know the direction I want to head (west), and I have a general sense of how I want to get there (south, then west). And I know about how long I want to travel for (no less than 1 month). So why does it matter if I don't know where I'll end up yet? What I'm looking forward to right now is not the destination (well, it is, but in a different sense than the unspeakable urge I have to drive) but that I am headed in a direction. One that's not towards my current jobs, not towards my apartment, not towards my parents' house. But rather one that's as far from that as I can get. I live across the street from the Atlantic Ocean, only a few hours from the Canadian border. It's not like I'm limited when it comes to what direction I want to go.
I guess what's really holding me back is that I don't know for sure that I will actually end up somewhere. My summer life is a great big unknown right now. What if something happens and I'm here in New Hampshire again? Still nannying, still waitressing? Not camp counseling? I'm nervous about not be accepted somewhere. I'm nervous about certain people/events from the past getting in the way.
I guess in the end though, even if I do end up just driving around the country in a circle, and wind up back in New Hampshire, I'll at least have had the journey. And while working at a new camp in a new state is my ultimate goal, if it doesn't happen this summer, it'll happen next. It will happen, so I might as well enjoy the ride, no matter where I end up.